The 24th of August marks my my fourth year living in LA, and it feels like only a year has passed. Time is funny.
The 4th of August is V and I’s one year anniversary as ‘parents’; that’s the easiest way to describe it. Last year we took temporary custody of his two brothers (16 and 13 years old) and also took in his 19 year old sister. Mind you, we are only 2 and 3 years older than her. This transition was ass kicking, but I have grown more in the last year than I have since I moved here at barely 18 years old.
When kids get pregnant and decide to have a baby at 19/20 years old, the kid comes out crying and small and you learn as you go… I birthed out 3 kids that physically I could not have pushed out my canal due to my age in comparison to theirs. All of which came out hating and resenting me. Over the year, we made the decision to not allow the 16 year old and 19 year old to live with us anymore for whatever reason, and now it is just V, the now 14 year old, Chico, and I in our two bedroom, huge apartment with more space than we ever thought to have.
These are all things that I am proud of.
My relationship with V is cracked and broken and even shattered in some places, but we are still stronger and more connected to each other than we ever have been. We will be forever- no matter what the future holds in our relationship. This is one of the things I am most proud of.
At 21, I went to Indonesia for the first time, and I got my life out of it. Thank you to Candace Silvers for opening up the opportunity, but more importantly thank you to myself for being awake enough to see the opportunity and walking through that door. Every day brings it’s own new twist to this road that I am on, and all I have to do is say ‘yes’, and the twist isn’t so scary and it ‘magically’ (for lake of a better word, but not meaning magically at all) works out. It always works out.
Life is full of balance; the balance in nature, relationships, emotions and feelings. The play of life is being ok when things aren’t balanced, and when they are, move closer to the edge to where you start to tip over and be ok there too. Let the fear guide you, and then smile when you find out the fear is all your mind, and your mind will only win when you let it.
The last year with the kids looked a little like this…